The advantages & disadvantages of personal dating versus online dating
A – Age. In personal dating he/she can’t lie about their age. That way there’s no surprises when you open the front door for your first online date and Yoda’s standing there
B – Body Odour. In personal dating you can’t conceal the fact you’ve got dreadful BO. Change your deodorant.
C – Chemistry. In personal dating, you know it right away – meeting someone and suddenly your throat’s dry, your hands are sweaty and the sparks flying around the room threaten to singe your eyebrows. Go with it – they need a trim anyway.
D – Dandruff. In personal dating you can run, but you can’t hide. Change your shampoo.
E – Exit strategy. In personal dating an exit strategy is a little more complicated than online’s solution of just pressing ‘delete’. If it’s too late to just back off, try saying you’ve had an allergic reaction to the satay sauce on the hors d’oeuvres, and need to go home. Alone.
F – Food. In personal dating, food in your teeth can be a killer. Avoid caviar and anything with sesame seeds
G – Gobsmacking. In personal dating you know right away that someone is naturally stunning – and not been photo-shopped
H – Height. In personal dating, you can’t lie about your height, and vice versa. Nothing worse than going to meet someone you’ve met on-line and they come up to your armpits (see B above)
I – I’ll call you. In personal dating hopefully if he/she says this, they mean it – after all, they’ve had loads of other options that night. Either that, or they’re a cad.
J – Jokes. This is tricky – in personal dating you’ve got to be good at this or you won’t get a second look in. Jokes about autism, 9/11, rape, incest, fat people, and the holocaust, generally aren’t a good idea. In fact, just skip jokes altogether.
K – Kiss and tell. In personal dating, if you do get lucky and then meet up again at the next event because it didn’t work out, best to refrain from kissing and telling, or you might end up wearing a tray of canapes on your head.
L – Laugh. In personal dating, if they laugh like a hyaena, you can quietly back off. In online dating, it’s too late to discover she’s a bunny-boiler until you’re at the cafe
M – Movies. In personal dating this is a great conversation starter. Just don’t admit you watched ‘Saw’ 37 times.
N – Nerves. In personal dating you’re bound to stuff it up in the first get-together. Have a drink and repeat this mantra to yourself ‘breathe in, breathe out, move on’.
O – Other people. In personal dating you get to check out around 50-100 people at any one event, which is much more time efficient than online dating where you have to trawl through thousands. Plus you don’t get RSI.
P – Pick-up lines. In personal dating it’s far too easy to use dreadful pick-up lines when you’ve had a few drinks. Never use, “Okay, I’m here, What do you want for your next wish?”
Q – Questions. In personal dating you will most likely get a slap across the face if you ask her whether or not she is wearing underwear.
R – Randy. In personal dating it is not okay to admit you haven’t had sex for 6 months and would he/she like to come home with you. In online dating however, you can broach the subject with a little less desperation
S – Shoes. In personal dating you can check out their shoes before making contact. If he is wearing cowboy sandal boots, or she is wearing thigh-high fringed zebra boots, back off quietly.
T – Three Day Rule. In personal dating if you meet someone you like, it is usual to wait three days before inviting them out on a ‘real’ date, so you don’t appear to be desperate. However, if you’ve been struck by ‘C’ or ‘G’ above, then 11.30 p.m. that night is kind of cute (note: men only!)
U – Unusual. In personal dating you can tell pretty much right away if they have an unusual smell following them around. If it smells like fenugreek (see ‘B’ above’), or chloroform, back off quietly
V – Venue. Personal dating is normally conducted in sophisticated venues that help set the tone of the evening. In online dating if he/she asks to meet you at the greyhound racing track well, hopefully you’ll have the good sense to decline
W – Wife. In personal dating the guests have been vetted so that one doesn’t discover 6 months down the track that there’s a wife and 3 kids lurking about.
X – X factor. In personal dating you can tell pretty much right away if he/she has the X factor – an indescribable quality or something about a person that you cannot put your finger on. If you find it, and like, it, don’t let it go!
Y – Yawning. In personal dating this is as greater sin as farting in the elevator. If you have to do it, pretend you suddenly have to tie up your shoelaces (men), or look for something in your handbag (women).
Z – Zit. In personal dating, having a pimple the size of The Royal Albert Hall on your chin can be a problem. Use ice to reduce the inflammation, apply concealer, and set with powder. For men, adopt The Thinker look, and press your hand to your chin as if deep in thought.